Anne Moss Rogers is a TEDx speaker and owner of the popular Emotionally Naked blog. She is a social media and content marketing expert who turned into an 'accidental leader' as a suicide prevention advocate after her son Charles, who suffered from depression and addiction, died by suicide in June 2015.
She has been interviewed by the New York Times and was the first suicide loss survivor ever invited to speak at the National Institute of Mental Health. Her blog, Emotionally Naked which focuses on subjects including suicide, grief, addiction, and mental illness reached over a half million views in its first three years. She has written a book, Diary of a Broken Mind that includes her son’s song lyrics, which will publish October 2019.
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Women are raised to believe we should make other people comfortable. We should be caretakers of others needs and desires and feelings - even when it comes at a cost to our own needs, desires, and feelings.
Because of this indoctrination early in our lives, we also take it upon ourselves to make sure that we don’t outshine others - because that could make them feel bad or less than. Instead, we let ourselves feel bad and less than.
We make it a priority to make other people comfortable. And in many cases this means we shrink and play small in front of others. We don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable and we certainly don’t want anyone to judge us for shining too brightly.
So, we stay small, quiet, dull, demure instead - because showing up as bold, bright, big, brave feels too risky.
Here are some instances in which you might make others uncomfortable with your shininess and badassery, as well as put yourself at risk of other people’s judgment:
Have you ever achieved one of these items and intentionally not shared it with others? You kept is small and private out of fear that others would be uncomfortable with your success or achievement and/or that they might pass judgment on you and dull your shine?
I want to encourage you to reframe how you think about other people's opinions. It’s not your job to tend to other people’s opinions. In fact, you should pay them no mind.
It’s not your job to make other people comfortable. Their discomfort is about them, not you. And it’s their responsibility, not yours.
It’s not your job to play small and stay small because others can’t or won’t step up and shine.
Your job is to SHINE LIKE A MOTHER.
And when you do so you will become a mirror that attracts people who want to see you in all your big, bold, brave badassery. When you start attracting these kinds of people, you will continue to be able to shine in brighter ways for all your days.
Listen in for a deeper dive and 4 ways to deal with the uncomfortable, judgy people in your life.
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Susan Hyatt is a master certified life coach who has helped thousands of women to
transform their bodies and lives. She’s the author of Bare, creator of the Bare Process, the Bare Deck, the Bare Podcast, and an online community called Bare Daily. With her fiery Facebook rants—including “Whoop Ass Wednesday,” where she reads a fresh batch of hate mail from Internet trolls and gives her sassiest response—Susan has gained an international following of women who love her honesty, humor, and fearlessness. Susan has been featured in Cosmopolitan, Woman’s World, Seventeen, and O: The Oprah Magazine, and was a Finalist for the Athena Award, honoring her work in the field of women’s empowerment.
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The truth about confidence is that it REQUIRES courage.
If you take a good look back at your life, I bet you’ll see a clear connection between the times that you took courageous action and the defining moments when you became more confident. You’ll likely notice that these moments all involved:
Some examples of this might include:
Courage is contagious. When you do one courageous thing and subsequently build a little confidence, you automatically start looking for more opportunities to be courageous. Over time, you build momentum around being an action taker and dream chaser who enjoys the discomfort that comes with courageous action because you know the outcome will be a more confident sense of self, a more joy-filled life, and a world with bigger dreams realized.
When you don’t take courage action on a regular basis, you become complacent. You don’t see yourself as someone who can grow or meet new goals. You feel stuck, unmotivated, uninspired. This is painful.
So, choose your pain.
The pain of complacency or the pain of courageous action. One has a much more positive and powerful outcome.
Tune in to hear 7 ways to build courage that will train your brain to take courageous, confident, life-changing action on a regular basis.
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Laura Cathcart Robbins is a Shameless Mom, a writer, and a recovery thriver and survivor. In September 2018 she found herself in an all too familiar situation. She was the only one in the room. She was the only black woman in the room at Brave Magic, a famed writer’s retreat. After it was over, she wrote about her ‘only one’ experience in The Huffington Post and comments started flooding into her DM from people from all races, ethnicities, creeds, and nationalities who had felt ‘othered.’
Laura now hosts the podcast, The Only One In The Room, where she interviews a person about their ‘only one’ story each episode. On her show, you’ll hear raw, vulnerable, accounts from people who are like most of us. Laura’s hope is that The Only One In The Room will inspire a change of perspective in how we all see and hear each other’s stories. She hopes to make you think twice before judging the person standing next to you at a party, in the pick-up line at school or in a crowded subway car. Laura’s show and her work is for anyone who has ever felt alone in a room full of people – which is to say, her show and her work are for everyone.
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As you grow and evolve in different areas of your life it is imperative that you build support systems that serve you. This doesn’t typically happen by chance. It happens by design.
While this takes effort and often vulnerability, the value of safe and sacred support systems is immeasurable.
It is common to make the mistake of leaning on one person or one group for all your needs. If you want to be really well supported it’s important to have multiple networks and support systems to lean into.
Here are some of my networks/support systems (in random order):
The purpose of these different support systems is that you need different networks to connect with people who are in the same place at the same time with the same needs, dreams, and interests. As you listen to this episode, you’ll learn why it’s not reasonable or wise to lean on one person or one group for all your needs.
It’s so important to build these support systems because:
All of this preserves your mental health, improves your sense of worth, and helps you build a more dynamic identity. AND all of this helps you minimize and mitigate loneliness, isolation, depression, and anxiety.
Listen in to learn:
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Kim Strobel is a teacher, a consultant, a speaker, a happiness coach, and an aspiring author. But her personal life is just as full. When she’s not firing up educators with her signature mix of excitement and experience, she’s a die-hard runner, an advocate for her community’s abandoned animals, and a family-oriented gal who loves spending time with her husband Scott, their four children, two grandkids, and three pups.
It’s tempting to believe that the Chief Happiness Officer herself has never known a down day. But the truth is, sometimes you have to live through darkness before you can thrive in the light.
Kim spent her childhood and teen and young adult years dealing with panic attacks and crippling fear. Diagnosis of a seizure disorder and full panic disorder followed and with them a burgeoning fear that she would never be able to achieve her dreams.
Listen in to hear how Kim overcame her crippling panic disorder and what her life looks like today - as a Happiness Coach, who is not immune to panic attack relapses.
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There is a huge difference between dreaming and doing. Yet, sometimes we confuse the two.
Dreaming lives in your head and your heart.
Dreaming doesn’t have a plan.
Dreaming is passive.
Dreaming doesn’t have a start date.
Dreaming doesn’t keep you accountable.
Dreaming is not an accomplishment.
Dreaming is picture perfect and linear, a series of perfect steps that take you to a perfect destination.
Dreaming is future-oriented. It’s about later… when you have time when the kids are older when the circumstances are juuuuust so.
Dreaming is outcome focused.
Dreaming feels indulgent and delightful, like something you might not even be worthy of.
In contrast…
Doing is your dream in action.
Doing is a plan.
Doing has a start date, as well as an end date.
Doing keeps you accountable.
Doing is an accomplishment.
Doing is not linear, its a series of highs and lows and lefts and rights and a few wrong turns that take you to a beautifully imperfect place that you’re ridiculously proud of.
Doing is action oriented.
Doing is present-oriented, not future-oriented.
Doing is step focused - not outcome focused - where you’re always considering, “what is my next right step?”
Doing feels scary, exciting, nerve-wracking, determined, and disciplined.
Dreaming definitely serves a purpose. It provides:
Doing serves a transformative experience:
At the crux of dreaming vs doing is a lot of decision making. I would argue that decisiveness is the biggest struggle of doing. Making decisions toward your dreams (the doing) can be crippling. But for the doing to take place, the decisions must be made. You must become a DECISION MAKER AND AN ACTION TAKER. It is the only path to your dreams. Listen in to hear how to learn how to become a better decision maker and action taker - in order to be a DOER who realizes all her dreams.
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Katie Goodman is an award-winning musical comedian, author, speaker, and life-coach. She is a nationally touring keynote speaker on the topic of using the tools of improv comedy in everyday life.
Her musical comedy show, “Broad Comedy,” runs Off-Broadway and tours across the country. She has been seen on Showtime, on Current TV, and on TruTV. Her comedy videos, having amassed 3 million views, can be viewed online. She received a Time Out New York Critic’s Pick for Best Cabaret and is signed with Comedy Dynamics, North America’s largest independent record label. Her album “Halfway Closer To Dead” is available on iTunes. As a keynote speaker, workshop leader and trainer, Katie has taught over 10,000 people the art of improvisational comedy. She writes for O Magazine and is the author of Improvisation For The Spirit: Living A More Creative, Spontaneous and Courageous Life Using The Tools of Improv Comedy. And you’ll definitely want to check out her podcast, The Improvised Life with Katie Goodman.
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I have recently had multiple mamas reach out to me to ask me to do an episode on self-worth.
AND I’ve been repeatedly noticing that questioning one’s worthiness is a common stumbling block for a number of my coaching clients. In fact, perhaps the most common stumbling block.
When it comes to self-worth, we need to look at a few things:
Cultivating a strong sense of self-worth can take time - as many of us have been sitting in self-doubt and grappling with negative self-talk for years, maybe decades. But when you start to identify the root of your struggles and see some of the patterns around poor self-worth in your life, it can quickly become clear how you can change course.
Changing course doesn’t have to be big and overwhelming. It can be small, simple steps you take to integrate a more positive and powerful sense of self into your identity. And this can be SO FREEING. In this episode, I walk you through 9 such steps.
So, let’s get to it, shall we?
Let’s all step up and step into our badassery.
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