Ever since I read Michelle Obama’s book two years ago, I have been obsessed with this notion of becoming.
We are always becoming. There is no way around it.
Sometimes we are becoming more the person we know we want to be. Other times not so much.
Sometimes we are becoming a person we did not want to be. Maybe even a person we feared we would be one day.
What we must remind ourselves everyday is that WE GET TO CHOOSE.
You have many times each day where you make choices that take you closer to or further from the person you want to become. This is comforting because at any time you can course correct.
Make a crappy decision at 10 am? No worries. You can make a better one at 10:02.
While that sounds super simple and maybe even annoyingly idealistic, it’s true.
What matters most is your trend of becoming over time.
So, what is your trend? And is it heading in the direction you want it to?
I have a task for you. As you listen to this episode, you will gain clarity on who you want to become and HOW to become her. Listen in and do the task. Then let me know, how are you becoming?
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Kim Evey is a Los Angeles-based actor, writer, and stand up comedian. She has appeared in numerous commercials and TV shows, written for children's animation, and created and starred in one of the first web series on Sony's Crackle.com entitled "Gorgeous Tiny Chicken Machine Show." She produced Felicia Day's trailblazing series "The Guild," a web show so successful that it was actually put on display in The Smithsonian American History Museum. As a stand up comedian, Kim's online clips have been viewed over 8 million times. She is the proud Mom of a boy who is five going on fifteen.
I met Kim through a story telling event where she shared her journey into motherhood through adoption. Her story touched me so deeply. I knew I had to invite her onto the show. What I didn’t know at the time was that Kim is also an adoptee. She was adopted from an orphanage in Korea when she was 2. Her journey from adoptee to adoptive mom so beautifully demonstrates the magic of adoption.
Listen in to hear Kim share:
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Episode art credit: Kevin McIntyre
“Sara, I’ve been getting your emails for 7 years and I’m finally ready to sign up for your program.”
This is the email I got from a prospective gym member back when I had my gym.
This woman had been waiting for 7 year - SEVEN YEARS - to finally qualify herself to change her life.
She came in to check out the gym a few days later and we immediately hit it off. After about 10 minutes, she confided in me, “I can’t believe I waited so long. I keep thinking where I would be if I just decided to start earlier. I’m so mad at myself.”
I have to tell you, I have had this conversation with so many women. We excel at waiting, don’t we??
Waiting to join the gym.
Waiting to go for the promotion.
Waiting to ask for the raise.
Waiting to ask for help.
Waiting to start the hobby.
Waiting to take time for yourself.
Waiting to take a chance.
Waiting to say YES.
Waiting to say NO.
Waiting to do what you want to do even if no one else gets it.
Waiting to go for it even if no one believes in you.
Waiting to choose yourself.
You know you want more - but you’re afraid of failure, worried what others might say, and filled with self doubt.
You wait because you think there will be a better time, a better option, another chance.
You tell yourself you’ll be more ready next week, next month, next year.
You watch others go before you and you decide they are more capable, more qualified, more worthy.
And you wait.
While you wait, you compromise your dreams, your desires, your sense of self
While you wait you chip away at your happiness and your worth.
The waiting is ruining your life.
I’m here to invite you to STOP WAITING.
Listen in to hear how you can stop waiting and start living a fuller life without regret.
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Shannon Kenny Carbonell grew up in Sydney, Australia, and moved to the U.S at 18 to study acting. After earning a BFA in Theater from The California Institute of the Arts (CalArts), she worked in regional theater where she had the privilege of playing some classic roles like Nina in The Seagull, Julie in Miss Julie, and Helena in A Midsummer Night’s Dream. She then transitioned into television guest star roles, one of her favorites being Katrina Banks on HBO’s Dream On— a parody of Courtney Love—where she got to shoot heroin between her toes, sing in a music video with Brian Benben, and (being the excitable girl she was) experience the thrill of meeting Warren Zevon. Her other favorite guest star role was playing Alison, George’s girlfriend, on NBC’s Seinfeld. Shannon was cast in series regular roles on TV shows and if she fails to rank the show Muscle as her best experience, she’d risk offending her wonderful husband Nestor, whom you might recognize from his role on LOST, or more recently on The Morning Show; it was on this show the two of them defied producers orders to not date other cast members. After many roles in movies and TV, Shannon pushed pause on acting to focus on motherhood while Nestor was traveling to film LOST. Shannon and Nestor currently live in Los Angeles with their two sons Rafa and Marco and their dog Donna Borrelli Carbonell. Shannon just published her first book All Is Not LOST, which talks about her journey into motherhood and her journey back to herself and all the ways her life paralleled the show LOST, which has been so near and dear to their family.
Listen in to hear Shannon share:
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Last week, we had to very quickly and unexpectedly say goodbye to our sweet dog of 14 years, Granny Dani.
Our hearts are broken.
My husband and I lost our first baby - this creature we doted on with all of our love and affection before welcoming Vinnie 6 years later.
Vinnie lost his sister - his best friend with whom he spent hours each day, snuggling and singing fart songs (that no one else in our house wanted to hear…)
We didn’t realize how much space our sweet girl took up in our home and our hearts until she was gone. Every room I walk into seems so big and so empty without her. Piper, our puppy, roams from room to room and dog bed to dog bed searching for her sister.
Our family is grieving for sure. But there have also been many gifts over the last week that have made this loss beautiful in unexpected ways. These gifts make the grief bearable.
We have all lost something over the last year. We are all grieving. I made this episode thinking of all the ways we all are grieving, in hopes that it might help you find the gifts in moments of loss that feel absolutely unbearable.
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Tiffany Bluhm is the author of She Dreams, Never Alone, and her newest book Prey Tell: Why We Silence Women Who Tell the Truth and How Everyone Can Speak Up. She is a sought after speaker, writer, and podcast co-host of the popular podcast Why Tho, a show answering the existential and nonsensical questions we ask ourselves, with author and speaker, Ashley Abercrombie.
She speaks at conferences and events around the world, and her work has been featured in World Vision Magazine, TODAY Parents, the Hallmark Channel, The Jenny McCarthy Show, and more. She was named a Woman to Watch in 2018 by Premier Media.
Tiffany leads an engaged audience online around women’s issues, identity, and faith. As a minority, immigrant woman with a interracial family, she is passionate about women’s equality, justice, and dignity.
Listen in to hear Tiffany share:
Links mentioned:
Get your Early Bird ticket to the Shameless Mom Con Collective
Connect with Tiffany: Tiffany Bluhm
Tiffany’s podcast: Why Tho
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When you spend a year (or any season of life) worrying about what’s next and wondering how you’ll manage all the things you cannot control, you are likely to find yourself in exhausting cycles of fear and doubt. Then, to combat the worry and fear and doubt, you find ways to numb so that you may quiet the fear and the doubt.
This happens to us in the year after having a baby, the season after losing an important relationship, and certainly after a year of enduring a pandemic.
This leaves us feeling stuck as all get out - stuck in our heads, stuck in poor habits, and stuck in a life without much joy on the horizon.
At a certain point, you have to decide that you will stop staying stuck. You will take action to start moving forward. You will process the season you’ve been in so that you may move forward with less fear, less doubt, and better coping skills.
Also, you will create joy. Because joy matters. Even when you’re too tired to plan the joy, you need the joy. Create the joy, dammit.
In this episode, I’ll walk you through 3 ways you are likely staying stuck right now and how to get unstuck.
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As a podcast visibility expert and host of the Go Pitch Yourself podcast, Angie Trueblood knows that the only 'perfect pitch' is the one that leads with value and focuses on building a genuine connection. Whether she is teaching entrepreneurs how to pitch themselves or working behind the scenes to secure opportunities for others, Angie leverages her super-connector powers to grow businesses and build long-lasting relationships. When she's not working with her clients or being active in her local community, she loves exploring Richmond, Virginia's parks and playgrounds with her two kiddos, checking out new restaurants with her hubs, and laughing about motherhood over cocktails with friends.
Listen in to hear Angie dig into:
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5 years ago today I launched the first episode of The Shameless Mom Academy. To be honest, if it hadn’t been for a pushy coach I would likely still be saying, “I think I’m going to do a podcast soon.”
Starting is the only way to find the magic and I’m so glad I started when I did. I wasn’t quite sure what I was doing and I wasn’t quite sure why I was doing it. I only knew I had some things to say.
I wanted - no, needed - to talk about the trauma of motherhood. It had shaken me to my core. Nobody warned me about that part. Everyone told me I would be tired. No one told me I would be completely lost.
I also needed to talk about the shrinking of women. I was pissed that I had been a participant in an industry that thrives - to the tune of many billions of dollars a year - on telling women they must be smaller in order to be valuable.
So, yeah - I had things to say.
5 years, 264 powerhouse guests, 528 episodes, 3.5 million downloads.
I’ve a few learned things - and most of them haven’t been easy lessons. In today's birthday episode I will share the top 5 lessons I’ve learned on leadership and motherhood over the last year.
Thank you for listening and inviting me in to your ear week after week. It is a privilege I do not take lightly. I’m so honored to be on this Shameless journey with you.
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As an award-winning business strategist, host of the Promote Yourself to CEO podcast, and best-selling author, Racheal Cook is on a mission to end entrepreneurial poverty for women. Over the last 10 years she has helped thousands of female entrepreneurs design predictably profitable businesses without the hustle and burnout that doing #allthethings inevitably accomplishes. In fact, Racheal is a sought after speaker on entrepreneurship, marketing, and productivity and has been featured by the US Chamber of Commerce, Forbes Coaching Council, Female Entrepreneur Association, and more. Her real passion, though, is supporting savvy, soulful women as they implement the strategy, systems, and support to uncomplicate their business so they can work less and live more.
Listen in to hear Racheal dig into:
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I have repeatedly likened our survival of this pandemic to our survival of Newbornland. We have endured a year of uncertainty and upheaval. We have made accommodations and adaptations to our lives that we never imagined - and often thought were not possible (hello virtual learning).
This has taken a toll on us physically, mentally, and emotionally. And, like surviving Newbornland, we cannot fully process the toll it has taken because we have had to focus on keeping our family units alive and safe - without having the time or energy to give any consideration to our own deep and chronic exhaustion.
We have carried the worry of our family’s health, security, and sanity as we have wondered how much worse things could get. And then we watched them get worse.
We have worried about the lasting impact of this pandemic on our children’s mental health, without considering that we ourselves are also moving through a chronic traumatic event.
We have used wine and workouts and Netflix and sourdough starter as coping mechanisms in hopes of a moment of reprieve.
We have cried in closets and bathrooms, and screamed at the people we love the most, and thrown in the towel as we’ve thrown ourselves on the floor, and then picked the damn towel back up and dried our tears and tucked our kids into bed - for 365 nights now.
We are not ok.
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Heather Chauvin is a leadership coach and strategic parenting expert who helps ambitious women become leaders at work and home.
Drawing from her professional experience as a social worker and her life experience raising three boys, Heather created a signature approach to focus her clients on sustainability, profitability, and ease in business and life.
She is the host of the Mom Is In Control Podcast where she reveals her most vulnerable truths about womanhood, marriage, parenting, living through stage 4 cancer, and running a successful business—without burning out.
Heather has been featured as a TEDx speaker and on The OWN Network, CTV, and The Jenny McCarthy Show. She has also appeared in Entrepreneur and Real Simple.
When Heather isn’t being a classic Canadian by driving her boys to hockey practice, you’ll find her curled up on the couch with her husband surfing the internet, researching their next family adventure.
Heather is a returning guest to The Shameless Mom Academy. She’s joining us to talk about her outstanding new book, Dying To Be A Good Mother.
Listen in to hear Heather share:
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People are going to tell you NO.
You will be rejected.
Over and over and over.
One of the gifts of being an entrepreneur is that you get rejected so often (especially early on) that you get a little callous to it - meaning, you let it roll off you easier and faster each time. This is a blessing.
Without this gift (which definitely doesn’t feel like a gift early on), you may find yourself crippled by the NO’s.
The rejection you face often has nothing - NOTHING - to do with you. Yet we are masters at internalizing it and defaulting to a place of self blame and self doubt, and sadly, even self loathing when we are faced with a NO.
In this episode I’ll talk you through the actual causes of rejection (vs the stories you make up in your head) and 5 ways to manage rejection in an objective way so you can KEEP GOING and get what you want out of relationships and circumstances.
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Nikki Tucker is a 16 year Finance Professional, Divorce Financial Strategist, and founder of The FIIRM Approach. She is also a mom of a teenage boy, part-time foodie, and oat milk latte lover who helps female breadwinners prepare their finances for divorce. She helps those early in the divorce process gain clarity and reduce overwhelm by arming them with information, strategies, and resources to confidently maintain their financial security whether they end up divorced or not. Nikki primarily works with clients through her signature program Silent Preparation Series which has both on-demand and live learning options.
Listen in to here Nikki share:
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If you were to sit down and make a list of all the identities you hold, what would be on your list? I made a quick list recently.
I hold the following identities (in no particular order):
woman, mom, wife, infertility warrior, anxiety manager, speaker, leader, hetero, cisgender, white, Seattleite, athlete, skier, writer, ally, podcaster, daughter, sister, business owner, child of divorce, 18 year entrepreneur, CEO, advocate
I’m sure I could come up with even more layers to my identity if I gave it more thought. We are made up of SO MANY layers. This makes each of us a true unicorn.
As we navigate our lives, we have the opportunity to embrace different layers of our identity in different ways during different seasons of life. What layers are you leaning into right now? What ones are most significant to you as we sit here in 2021?
You get to choose which parts of yourself you really want to lean into at any time. So, how do you lean into the most powerful parts of yourself? Here are a few tips:
In this episode, I talk you through how to lean into the layers of your identity that mean the most to you and have the most potential to deeply impact the world.
Rho Thomas is an attorney, mindset strategist, and personal finance coach who believes that true wealth is having control of your time. She helps lawyers make intentional lifestyle and money decisions to regain control of their time, build wealth, and live the lives of freedom and choice they deserve. She has been featured in outlets such as Yahoo! Finance, Refinery29, and Mic and hosts the Wealthyesque podcast, which explores how lawyers can achieve lifestyle freedom by reframing their mindset and by managing their money to achieve financial independence.
Listen in to hear Rho share:
Links mentioned:
Book: Your Money or Your Life by Joe Dominguez and Vicky Robin
Website: Rho Thomas
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We are coming up on a full 12 months of enduring a pandemic that we initially thought would last 2-6 weeks. How are you? No, really?
This time is very much like navigating Newbornland - that phase when you’re totally sleep deprived, but you’ve been sleep deprived for so long that it just feels normal and you don’t know what it feels like to actually be rested. That’s where we’re at.
We’ve been in survival mode for a year. So long that it feels normal and we don’t remember what it feels like to not have to juggle constant worry and uncertainty.
So, in the face of this chronic worry and uncertainty, how are you holding on to hope, power, and connection? We must be able to harness these if we are to stay sane and functional.
In this episode I’ll give you tactical steps to restore hope, power, and connection in your everyday life.
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Shaunda Head is a Shameless Mom to her 2 year old daughter and a Shameless full time caretaker of her 96 year old Granny. She is also an Atlanta-based brand strategist and digital marketer who helps women align ALL THE THINGS in their brand so that their brand message can impact more powerfully. She creates and implements strategies in marketing, branding and copy to help her clients SHOW UP as their whole selves, and drive higher connection with their true, dream clients.
Shaunda has 16 years of experience, including brand design, marketing, communications and business development for global companies like the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), UPS and E! Entertainment Television. She now coaches and consults for emerging and growing entrepreneurs — past clients consist of coaches, podcasters, stylists, therapists, bloggers, e-commerce site owners and more.
Listen in to hear Shaunda share:
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Months of unpredictability, instability, and chaos can leave a mama feeling disoriented, exhausted, and chronically overwhelmed.
I know I’ve been feeling this as the last year has started to catch up with me.
One of the things that really helped me to start feeling grounded again was to identify a few “anchors” that can consistently connect me back to who I am becoming, how I want to show up, and how I have promised to take exquisite care of myself this year.
The anchors I identified for myself are:
In this episode, I explain what each of these anchors look like for me and how I’m consistently returning to them to stay grounded this year.
If these anchors appeal to you - STEAL THEM! They are all yours! And if they aren’t quite the ones for you, this episode will help you discern some other ones that might be a good fit for you.
2021 is your year to take back the reins and double down on YOU.
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Dayna Parish Dennis is a wife, Shameless Mom, and doctor. Originally from Oklahoma, she relocated to the Bay Area to complete her residency in pediatrics. She has served patients in low income, urgent care, private practice, and Hospitalist settings, and just recently made partner at a multi-specialty group practice in the Bay Area. She speaks a couple of languages, loves reading books with happy endings, and raising 2 free Black children.
Listen in to hear Dayna share:
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Rae McDaniel, MEd, LCPC, CST (They/Them) is a Gender and Certified Sex Therapist and Coach who works with folks feeling anxious and lost about a transition they’re experiencing in sex, gender, sexual identity, or relationships. Rae also provides consultation & training for professionals and organizations wishing to uplevel their knowledge and expertise in these areas.
Rae is the founder of Practical Audacity, a Gender & Sex Therapy group practice in Chicago, and GenderFck: The Club, an online group coaching community designed to help transgender/non-binary/questioning folks transition with less suffering and more ease.
Listen in to hear Rae share:
Linke mentioned:
Connect with Rae: Practical Audacity
Rae on IG/FB: @practicalaudacity
Megan Hadley, MS, RDN, and LDN is a nutrition therapist and owner of Simple Nutrition, a nutrition counseling practice in Greensboro, NC, and founder of Fork the Food Rules, a membership for people who have decided not to diet. She believes that all bodies are good bodies and that from cake to kale, all foods are good foods. After helping hundreds of clients recover from diet culture, Megan knows that when women think less about food and body and more about what really matters to them, they begin to thrive in all areas of their life.
When she’s not working, Megan enjoys spending time with her husband and two daughters. She loves cooking, traveling, long naps, good wine, and french fries. Megan finds her strength, both personally and professionally, rooted in her deep faith in Christ, as she knows she was created to live a life of abundance and to help other women believe and discover that, as well.
Listen in to hear Megan share:
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Let’s just stop.
Stop faking fine.
When you’re hurting, let it be known.
When you’re tired, let it be known.
When you’re depleted, let it be known.
When you’re worried, let it be known.
When you’re lonely, let it be known.
When you’re uncertain, let it be known.
When you’re DONE, let it be known.
Stop faking fine.
Everytime you fake being fine, you perpetuate this ideal that women should button up and stuff it down and dishonor themselves by disowning their pain.
This is not only detrimental, it’s downright dangerous.
Model being less-than-fine to others.
You go first.
Let them know:
I’m struggling.
I’m hurting.
I’m tired.
I need help.
It is in owning and honoring where you’re really at that you will find the soft places and most sacred spaces to land - where others will be waiting to hold you, arms open wide.
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Today we have an extra special episode with two guests, who are not only powerhouse Shameless Moms and entrepreneurs making deep impact in the world, but also sisters.
Caren Lettiere is the Founder and President of Democracy Clothing, the casual lifestyle brand designed for the modern, multitasking woman who grew up with fashion, then got busy with life.
Best known for its “Ab”solution jeans with fit technology, Democracy Clothing embraces women of all shapes and sizes, providing them with confidence-building clothing that helps them look good and feel good, while doing good.
Alongside Democracy, Caren’s proudest accomplishment is the fulfilling family life she’s built with her husband of 29 years, David, and their amazing kids Nicole and Josh.
Julie Neale is a life and leadership coach, community builder, writer, and mom to two high energy boys who challenge her to grow into her best self. Alongside a 20 year career in youth development, it was Motherhood that transformed her and set her on a course to live a truly E.P.I.C. life.
Now, as the founder of Mother’s Quest and the Mother's Quest Podcast, Julie provides inspiration, coaching, and community-building so that mothers, and those who care for young people, can connect to support and resources, fulfill their unique purpose, and live their E.P.I.C. lives.
I’ve been so excited for this conversation for months now and I just know you’re going to love so much about it.
Listen in to hear Julie and Caren share:
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Julie’s article on committing to anti racism
As we continue to see white supremacy reign here in the US, it’s critically important to pause and reflect on where we have come from, how we can do better, and how we can talk to our kids about it all.
I am not a race educator, but I will point you to some excellent people and resources in this episode from whom you can learn on an ongoing basis.
I am showing up for this conversation because, while I want you to be learning about race from people other than middle class white ladies (me!), I want to share some things that we have been doing in our family to educate our 8-year-old while also taking big responsibility for our commitment to our own anti racism journeys.
My intentions in this episode are 3 pronged:
Please note all the resources below as you continue to listen and learn and take action.
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